The Couples Institute Counseling Services

  When couples hit a disagreement, most don’t realize they’re falling into one of two predictable patterns. The first is: “I’m right, you’re wrong.” In this mode, the goal becomes winning. You might: invalidate your partner’s feelings dismiss their perspective minimize what they’re saying poke holes in their logic It can feel justified in the moment—after all, you  believe  you’re right. But the cost is high. There’s no real room for your partner. And when someone doesn’t feel seen or understood, they don’t move closer—they pull away. The second pattern is the opposite: “I’ll just go along.” Here, the goal is to avoid conflict. You might: stay quiet agree when you don’t actually agree soften or abandon your truth tell yourself, “It’s not worth it” This can look like peace on the surface. But underneath, something else is happening. There’s no real room for  you . Over time, that leads to resentment, disconnection, and a quiet sense of losing yourself in the relations...

In the   previous article , we looked at ADHD and the role that executive function plays in how people focus, organize, and regulate their thoughts and actions. Many of those same brain processes also show up in autism, which is one reason the two conditions are often discussed together and sometimes overlap. But while ADHD mainly affects attention and self-regulation, autism includes a broader set of differences that often involve social understanding, sensory experiences, and patterns of thinking. Because autism is frequently described as a “spectrum,” it can look very different from one person to another. In this next part of the series, we’ll take a closer look at what autism actually means, how the idea of the spectrum developed, and what people often experience at the more subtle end of the range. Perhaps the first thing to say about autism is that it is described as a spectrum disorder (formally Autism Spectrum Disorder) and it is a huge spectrum! However, many if not most d...

  Autism and ADHD have both been noted in the popular press for increases in prevalence over the last number of decades. If you have read about these increases in reputable sources, you will know that the numbers have gone up primarily through more awareness, destigmatization, and changes in diagnostic criteria, rather than environmental causes such as the thoroughly-debunked vaccination theory. However, given that autism especially has been getting increased attention, and ADHD is often misunderstood, I thought it would be helpful to clarify both conditions and their interrelationships. I will be drawing on my experience and study as a neuropsychologist and therapist, having worked with many people on these spectrums. ADHD and autism are simultaneously over- and under-diagnosed in the general population. While there are lots of reasons, I’ll just offer a couple of examples. One example of overdiagnosis for ADHD is that boys who are the youngest in their school class tend to be ove...

These are some of the most common sources of tension in relationships—but they don’t have to be. For couples, managing finances together is about more than numbers. It’s about communication, trust, shared meaning, and alignment. And even before that, it’s about understanding   your   relationship with money and your partner’s relationship with money. We all grow up in environments that shape our beliefs, values, and emotions around money. One of the biggest mistakes couples make is assuming that because they share similar financial  goals , they will naturally navigate the  path  to those goals with ease. But that’s rarely true. Each partner has their own financial “culture”—the unique blend of history, habits, emotions, and expectations they bring into adulthood. That culture affects everything from spending decisions to triggers to how each person communicates about money. When couples come in feeling stuck around finances, one of the first places we explore i...

Selfies galore and seeking affirmation via social media, it seems the whole world is suffering from narcissistic behavior. However, being self-motivated, self-focused or even putting yourself first doesn’t make you a narcissist. Narcissism is a very particular set of traits that create the definable personality disorder. For people who are in relationships with a narcissist (be it a spouse, parent or even child) life can be incredibly confusing. The narcissistic personality seeks out a particular type of partner (or victim we could say in some cases) with or without cognitive awareness. They are looking for an empathetic personality who they can manipulate via their bleeding heart-save-the-world style of tackling problems. Co-dependents and Borderline personalities make great targets for the narcissist who needs constant affirmation. For those in a relationship with a narcissist they will experience things such as gaslighting (minimizing of personal experience or perception of events),...

  Strengthening Your Financial Partnership — Systems, Agreements & Repair Once couples build a foundation of shared meaning and teamwork, the next step is putting systems in place that support clarity, trust, and connection. Here are the next six practices that help couples continue building a strong financial partnership. 1. Use Roles and Systems That Fit Each Partner’s Strengths “Fair” doesn’t always mean 50/50. Healthy partnerships honor each person’s strengths and bandwidth. Some couples naturally divide tasks—one handles day-to-day bills while the other oversees long-term planning. Others rotate responsibilities. There’s no single “correct” structure. Examples : One partner tracks monthly expenses; the other manages savings and investments. One handles day-to-day budgeting; the other handles taxes or record-keeping. Both participate in major decisions. Remember: The key is clarity, transparency, and mutual agreement. These systems aren’t permanent—you can adjust them anyti...

 This article gives a brief overview of trauma responses and ways to reduce and manage these responses to improve overall well-being and support recovery from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Complex PTSD (CPTSD). If you or someone you love has experienced a traumatic event, this article is for you. What triggers trauma? “The past affects the present even without our being aware of it.”  ― Francine Shapiro Our brains are constantly making associations outside of our awareness. From an evolutionary standpoint, this makes sense. If we do not associate danger with the lion’s den, what’s to stop us from walking in? These neural associations create an automatic response to the world around us to help keep us safe. However, now that our world has fewer run-ins with lions, tigers, and bears, it doesn’t mean that our neural hardwiring has changed. For example, when I say, “Roses are Red” your following thought will most likely be, “Violets are Blue ”. Though this nursery rhym...